The story so far.........

I am writing this to document the events which have led me to be in this situation. At every stage of the separation between myself and the mother of my children I have tried to avoid the action I am now forced to take. I would also like to take this opportunity to elaborate on my background.

• I am a secondary school teacher. I have been employed in various schools in England and Wales since qualifying in 1996. I currently hold a head of department role in a secondary school in south Wales. During my time teaching, I have never had any problems with parental or pupil complaints against my methods of teaching.
• In my spare time, I coach and help run a team in the junior section of a local rugby club. This involves delivering training sessions to upwards of 20, 8 and 9 year old boys. I also referee matches between local sides at junior level. My eldest is a member of this team. The younger plays in the team in the year group below.
• The problems with seeing my sons began soon after their mother returned from a summer holiday vacation she took with a new partner whom she had met only a few months previously. She was insistent that the holiday was to go ahead although I was never told who was taking my sons away. I believe her partner also had his parents with him during the holiday. The week before the holiday, the boys and myself spent a magnificent week with one of my brothers and his children, mainly on the beaches of South Wales. We had a fun packed week and no incidents occurred which were unusually untoward or problematic.
• On the boys return from this holiday, I was again to see them, as previously arranged with their mother. On trying to instigate contact through phone calls and email, I would either get no response or the reply that the boys were ill. At no point was I offered the opportunity to speak to the boys.
• As time went on, through mutual friends who had seen the boys out and about and also at the beach, it became apparent that I was being denied access to the boys by their mother.
• On visiting my solicitor approximately one week before returning to work after the summer holidays, he showed me a letter he had received from her solicitor showing that she had visited the family GP, and alleged abuse from me towards the boys. The letter didn't express the type of abuse. Nevertheless, this obviously had a huge impact upon myself, bearing in mind the nature of my job, and also the coaching of the rugby team. Obviously this caused great stress and anxiety, not only for me, but for my parents who were also being denied access to the children.
• I would like to point out that in no way have I ever abused my children and would never wish to harm them in any way whatsoever.
• I returned to work, still unsure about the nature of the allegation, still unsure of what the response from my employers would be. I spoke to my headteacher on the first morning of the new term to explain the situation. He hadn't heard of any problems and assured me to remain in work and he would phone county hall to find out further information and to work out a plan of action. Later that day he approached me and assured me that although county hall were aware of the allegations, they were not interested in pursuing the “case” any further. I was told to remain in work and carry on doing my job.
• Some weeks later I received a letter from social services outlining the very same message.
• I gained some strength from this, obviously the nature of the allegation were not of such a serious nature that I had to be removed from my job, something which obviously had caused me great stress and anxiety.
• However I was still unable to see the boys. This was my aim.
• I found out through mutual friends that the relationship between her and the third party who had taken them away on holiday had broken down. Although I cannot be sure of the reasons behind this, several independent people had told me the reason for the split was because the gentleman involved was unable to handle the children. To this day I am unsure of what went on and is partly to blame for this situation. My younger son has since told me that the other man was mean to him and his brother and had shouted at them and wasn't their friend any more. Obviously worrying as I am completely powerless to protect or help them when they are exposed to such situations.
• I visited the GP to enquire as to what medication and problems the boys had since their return from their holiday. As a parent, all I wanted to see was what medication they had been put on. The doctor point blank refused me any information whatsoever. He told me that whilst allegations had been made and investigations were still ongoing he was unable to provide me with any information. He made me feel that I was guilty of some offence, he treated me as though I was guilty. He showed me the door to his consulting room and told me he could not help me further. I tried to explain the situation I found myself in, what I was going through, however he was not in the slightest bit interested in me as a person, as a patient. I would like to point out that the Doctor is also my GP. He showed me no duty of care whatsoever. I left that surgery in tears. I had done nothing wrong, had gone there to try to help sort out the situation and left feeling like I was guilty of the abuse allegation. In my opinion, The Dr was completely negligent and wholly unprofessional in his approach to me that day and since by not completing what he has been requested to do on two separate occasions.
• I have since had sight of two reports from the GP. On them they both state her opinion. They do not truly reflect the feelings of the boys.
• I have always stated that I do not wish to use precious resources of CAFCASS. I simply do not see the need to introduce this agency into this particular case. The allegations were not deemed to be of the nature whereby I should be further investigated. I have remained in school teaching children. I have remained coaching the rugby team. The time scale offered by CAFCASS is 6 months. This will mean a time span of 8 months since the beginning of this nightmare. During this time I have tried everything to get to see my children and to try to build what is now an obviously damaged relationship. To keep their lives as normal as possible whilst thy adjust to the break up of their parents marriage. I want to be part of their lives. They need a father in their lives. I feel completely powerless, and at the control of their mother whom I believe has manipulated and controlled this situation as a means of “punishing” me for the break down of our marriage.
• I would also like to point out the following which may help you to develop a fuller picture of the issues I face. She has twice “broken” into and rummaged around my vehicle and taken items from there. She has been witnessed doing this by two parents of players in the rugby team I coach. I have a letter from another parent outlining a conversation he overheard between myself and the younger son at the park after one training session where he told me that he wanted to come and see me, but when he asked his mum, she shouted at him.
• I would be more than happy to answer any questions, talk to anybody, discuss with any professional body who will listen to my side of this horror story.
• All I want is to give my sons what they are entitled to. A happy relationship with both parents.