The end of 2013 - thank goodness.

Six months have passed since I began thinking about restarting writing again - time really has flown by. I thought I should update this now as so much has happened and I wish to document it for a number of reasons; for the people that visit this blog to read (not so many recently), for my two boys and also for me to gain closure on some of the events of the last 12 months.

So much has happened to me this year;

• I've received a police caution for misuse of computers (not as alarming as you may think),
• I've been accused of assaulting my son,
• I've chosen to stop seeing my sons,
• I've remained in full time work and been able to do my best every day in my teaching job,

So much has happened. So much upset and anxious moments which have caused me great stress. However at this moment in time I feel more relaxed and happy with my situation than at any point during the last few years.

Police Caution.

Where do I begin? I'll try to cut a long story short here.....
When I was going through the divorce, she accused me of having affairs. I wasn't. She however took it upon herself to hack my email account (she paid some firm in the U.S. to do this). When I eventually found out about this I was unimpressed as anybody would be. She professed she had nothing to hide and gave me her social media account log in details. At that time I had no interest in using them. However as time went on and it became apparent that I was being manipulated so I could not see my children, I, on reflection, used her log on details to see if I could find any information about my sons whereabouts. This was especially relevant as she had taken them out of the country with another man who I knoew nothing about. I accessed her account a handful of times. When the social media reported to her that there was "suspicious" log ins on her account, she pursued this to the point of me being visited by the police and cautioned for misuse of computers. My DNA and finger prints were taken, I was interviewed and once more the whole situation was incredibly demeaning.

Alleged assault of my son.

The accusation of assaulting my son came as a complete and utter shock. After work one day I was sitting at home when there was a knock on my door. Two plain clothes officers were waiting to talk to me about an alleged incident which took place on a rugby trip at the end of April. They  were visiting 3 weeks after the incident had supposedly taken place. I was coaching a a rugby team which my eldest son is a member of. Apparently I had stamped, or kicked him down the back of one leg at some point during the day. He had travelled with me and another coach and his son to and from the venue (some 90 mins away from home) and the whole squad had been together all day. At no pint had I been alone with him for this to take place and no other parents had any recollection of any incident like this during the day. The child protection officers explained that they had received a call from the boys mother before the early May bank holiday making the allegation, however she was going away that weekend so they were unable to visit to speak to my son about it. They interviewed my son and he told them that I had assaulted him. I had no alternative but to go to the police station to be interviewed about the accusation. The police officer assured me that he had looked at my sons leg and there were visible signs of a bruise. Maybe this had something to do with him playing in two games of football and attending three training sessions of rugby in the interim which to me was a far more plausible explanation!

Regardless, I attended the interview, all recorded, which proved to be a most extraordinary couple of hours. The legal representative which was provided through the Public Defender Service was absolutely brilliant. She completely threw the police officer into a panic and he was grasping at straws for the whole interview. It really was embarrassing for him how she discredited all he was alleging. 

Still this threw up the horrific question which I needed to face. If my son was able to allege this, then what else was he capable of. Clearly he had been brainwashed by his mother into believing this therefore if I was to continue to allow him to stay over at my home, it was only a matter of time before more allegations like this were to appear. 

My job.

As a teacher I have to remain on the right side of the law. This is obvious. However with the interest from the police and cautions and allegations of abuse, there are obvious implications. I have to thank my school who have been nothing short of brilliant and very understanding. However after speaking to my Headteacher one morning he did allude that there were several of these allegations and sooner or later, regardless of whether there is any truth in the matter the relevant authorities would have to investigate further. 

I love my job. I have devoted all my working life to it and am committed. i made the choice that if I were to continue to perform and make the best of my very privileged position then I would have to make some big decisions with regard contact with my sons. I am pleased to say my performance is now back where it should be (after not having my eyes on the job for a couple of years maybe) things are looking far more positive for me in work. I have less on my mind and am therefore able to devote more time and energy to my job. It has been the right decision.

Well, here I am again!

I have recently been thinking of updating my blog. Something which when I first found myself in this situation was the most cathartic experience I had. It helped me a great deal. Which is why I am now back here, some 3 years after first starting. The story is long and frankly for those of you who don't know me, will question whether it's a work of fiction. I promise it's not.

I aim to update the goings on since I posted over the coming weeks. Forgive me if posts alter as I remember things along the way which have been temporarily erased from my mind. It's quite remarkable how the mind adapts to block things out which cause immense pain.

Please keep looking back, and commenting, I enjoy reading others viewpoints on my writing and experience.

The "final" chapter?

It's 6 months ago to this day that I last wrote on this blog. I don't know why I stopped; perhaps it was the fear of it turning into a rant, something that CAFCASS said that it was, although I and others never thought so.

Anyway, yesterday I appeared in court once again. This time things were finally in my favour. All sanctions placed on me have been lifted, I am now able to see my two boys unsupervised. I am delighted, as are my friends and family, without whom I am not sure whether I would have ever finished this blog.

I remember being asked at the beginning of all this what I would change about my behaviour to ensure that CAFCASS could recommend to the court that I was suitable to look after my children unsupervised. I answered that I couldn't change anything as I have never actually done anything wrong. I haven't changed. I am still the same loving Dad capable of looking after my children as I have ever been.

I am now making plans with my boys. They are happy and cant wait to be with me for normal things that they and I have missed out on.

I don't know if I will ever write here again. The process of writing this blog has been cathartic. The process of having to prove myself has been horrific in every way imaginable. I sincerely hope that what has happened to me doesn't happen to anyone else, sadly it will. The cost in so many ways is huge. The system so many find themselves in is not fair, it is dire. It doesn't treat each parent equally although it will always profess to do so.

I have achieved my aim; To have a normal and happy relationship with my two boys.

Today I met the CAFCASS officer

At long last today I met the CAFCASS officer who will be reporting to the court. She was extremely apologetic, but as I said to her, it's not her fault they are so stretched with resources.

A good meeting was had where I was able to put forward my point of view; I managed to get all relevant points across. I await the next step which will be in the near future I hope.

At least it's a positive step in the right direction!

Great News - Family Justice Review

Family Justice Review as reported on BBC today

The above story shows the most definate need for compulsory mediation between couples who are deciding to go their separate ways. As has been undoubtedly proved with my case, if divorcing couples can keep issues out of the courts, then this has to be the best way forward.

I sincerely hope that this excellent move is not wrapped up in yet more red tape and the whole process is made as transparent as possible for all parties involved.